**Disclaimer** This is a rant and there will probably, no scratch that, most definitely be explicit language so reader be warned. If you’re sensitive to 4 letter words then move along cause there is nothing to see here.
Today ranked about an 8 on the annoying shit-o-meter! First off the Tool next door decided to start firing up his diesel wannabe engine at 4:30 this morning. I’m like, you’ve got to be kidding me! I love sleep, it ranks right up there with sex. I usually get up around 5am so you can bet your sweet ass I am all about gettin’ as much as I can right on up to the very last minute. Today I was so abruptly removed from my sweet slumber to the over aggressive sound of ol’ engine revver. It’s not just a simple revvvv revvvv revvv, oh no, it’s full throttle RRRRRRREEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVV-RRRRRRREEEEEEVVVVVVV-RRRRRRREEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVV and it fucking lasts for 20 minutes I SHIT YOU NOT!!!! This is also not a one time thing folks, fuck face does this on a daily basis anywhere between the hours of *the middle of the night* and *the ass crack of dawn*. Being a ninja master of the passive aggressive game that I am I said something to my land lord one day while we were discussing the new shed. Apparently I am not the only one who is all kinds of annoyed by this behavior. There have been quite a few neighbors who have expressed their opinion about the newbies on the block. Since I share a property line I am trying to keep the peace for as long as I can, I foresee this being a huge test of will on my part!
Major annoyance of the day #2. I am at the gym doing my cardio. About 15 minutes into my workout some chick who apparently slipped and fell into a cheep-ass bottle of perfume right before entering the gym gets on the elliptical 3 spaces down. I’m like SERIOUSLY!!!! I now have chemical burn in my mouth from tasting the horrid odor. It was so bad I instantly got a headache and became nauseous. Thankfully she was only there for 15 minutes and if there were another cardio machine available I would have ran to it!
Major annoyance #3. After my blinding olfactory experience I head back to the locker room to wash my face and get ready for the weight portion of my workout only to walk into what seems to be a cheer session taking place in front of the mirrors. Before I could even stop myself I gave the what-the-FUCK face!!! Not like only were they like valley girls but like they are like fixing their fucking makeup…before going out into the gym. Not only did I want to kick in their teeth but if I could have pulled it off I would have peed in their mascara! OK not really but it so made me smile in that moment.
I am now going to my happy place which happens to have beer and pizza…did I mention the beer part!?!