Monthly Archives: March 2009

A Conversation via Text

Me: I can’t wait to show you my new pottery.
Him: Cool. I can’t wait to show you my penis.

begins shaking head with a sigh…boys

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

A Case of the Mondays

**Disclaimer** This is a rant and there will probably, no scratch that, most definitely be explicit language so reader be warned. If you’re sensitive to 4 letter words then move along cause there is nothing to see here.

Today ranked about an 8 on the annoying shit-o-meter! First off the Tool next door decided to start firing up his diesel wannabe engine at 4:30 this morning. I’m like, you’ve got to be kidding me! I love sleep, it ranks right up there with sex. I usually get up around 5am so you can bet your sweet ass I am all about gettin’ as much as I can right on up to the very last minute. Today I was so abruptly removed from my sweet slumber to the over aggressive sound of ol’ engine revver. It’s not just a simple revvvv revvvv revvv, oh no, it’s full throttle RRRRRRREEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVV-RRRRRRREEEEEEVVVVVVV-RRRRRRREEEEEEVVVVVVVVVVVV and it fucking lasts for 20 minutes I SHIT YOU NOT!!!! This is also not a one time thing folks, fuck face does this on a daily basis anywhere between the hours of *the middle of the night* and *the ass crack of dawn*. Being a ninja master of the passive aggressive game that I am I said something to my land lord one day while we were discussing the new shed. Apparently I am not the only one who is all kinds of annoyed by this behavior. There have been quite a few neighbors who have expressed their opinion about the newbies on the block. Since I share a property line I am trying to keep the peace for as long as I can, I foresee this being a huge test of will on my part!

Major annoyance of the day #2. I am at the gym doing my cardio. About 15 minutes into my workout some chick who apparently slipped and fell into a cheep-ass bottle of perfume right before entering the gym gets on the elliptical 3 spaces down. I’m like SERIOUSLY!!!! I now have chemical burn in my mouth from tasting the horrid odor. It was so bad I instantly got a headache and became nauseous. Thankfully she was only there for 15 minutes and if there were another cardio machine available I would have ran to it!

Major annoyance #3. After my blinding olfactory experience I head back to the locker room to wash my face and get ready for the weight portion of my workout only to walk into what seems to be a cheer session taking place in front of the mirrors. Before I could even stop myself I gave the what-the-FUCK face!!! Not like only were they like valley girls but like they are like fixing their fucking makeup…before going out into the gym. Not only did I want to kick in their teeth but if I could have pulled it off I would have peed in their mascara! OK not really but it so made me smile in that moment.

I am now going to my happy place which happens to have beer and pizza…did I mention the beer part!?!

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

In Like A Lion…Out Like A Stampede??

Getting my ass whooped by mother nature was SO not on my to do list for today. The weather forecast read possible showers and thunderstorms in the MORNING, then clearing in the afternoon with highs in the upper 60’s…AWESOME!

The sun was out, all was good and I was mentally making plans for this years garden layout. Just as I was about to hop the fence and get a little dirty several cumulonimbus clouds started rolling in. Not wanting to let a little bit of weather stand in the way of my planting I continued on. Then it was like someone turned out the lights. Without warning the sky opened up and the furry was unleashed! Horizontal rain and quarter sized hail began pelting my exposed skin! The holy mother of destruction was showing no mercy! I ran for cover back to the house. After about 15 minutes the madness stopped and calm weather has once again returned. Unfortunately my garden is now a sloppy muddy mess and seed sowing will be pushed to another day.

4 Comments

Filed under Uncategorized

Busted

I know I said I wouldn’t but I did it, I joined the gym. I went back to work which is why I’ve been M.I.A. I now sit on my ass for long periods of time, so not cool, especially since the French side of my family happens to resemble little round dough balls! However there is a major perk that makes it almost OK, I have access to some AMAZING fabrics…more to come on this in another post. 🙂

I was at the gym Friday night just minding my business doing crunches, you know the kind where you lay on the inclined bench with your feet up. I totally busted some dude looking down my shorts! Of course me being me I called him out on it and said “you like that don’t ya!” He instantly became a deer in the headlights, turned a lovely shade of crimson and scurried away. It was awesome!

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Old Timin’ Gangsta Days

My mother is on a mission to clean out the attic, translation- get your shit outta of here! When I went home this past weekend I was presented with a box of high school memorabilia. Upon opening it I found some pictures.

Every year my mother’s company would hold their annual picnic at *The Sweetest Place on Earth* aka Hershey Park! My brother and I were always allowed to bring a friend along. Each year we would dress up and get our picture taken. Looking back I am really grossed out about the clothing. Not the style but of the cleanliness. I guarantee they don’t dry clean the costumes very often! All those sweaty tourists squeezing into the various get ups…TOTALLY GROSS!!!!

Rachael and I summer of 93
Georgia and I summer of 94
Jason and I summer of 95

1 Comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Change Is In the Air

What do you think of the new look? I like neat and clean but this may be crossing into sterile. I think I need more color and I still have to remake my banner. The one I have now Justine made for me a while back. Seeing as how it took me over an hour to pick text colors I’m not about to bust open Photoshop and start tinkering around with banners. I just don’t have the energy to do it right now!

I’ve also decided to redesign my website clothing pages. Instead of having all the pictures posted with the items description, I’ve created another page just for the images. This way they can be viewed much larger and show the piece in greater detail. I’ve only gotten as far as my dresses…my website is huge and it is going to take forever!!! If I’m really lucky maybe a customer will buy everything on my site, then I don’t have to remake all those pages!!! Obviously I’m not holding my breath. 🙂

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Before & After

Sometimes after I spend hours upon hours making a piece of patchwork, I just have to stare at it for a while. Not because I don’t know what I am going to do with it but for the simple fact that it took soooooooo long to make and now I am going to simply just CUT IT UP into something else. I like to, savor the moment…if you will.

I had a conversation with my mother the other day who also sews but not with my passion.

Mom “So you cut up fabric to make another piece of fabric, then you cut THAT fabric up to make the clothing?? I don’t know Dani, that sounds like a lot of extra work to me!”

Me
“um, well, yea pretty much.”

Last week despite Murphy’s Law fucking shit up mid way through, I managed to make about 5+ yards of patchwork…mostly from scraps of fabric I’ve been hoarding. This makes me extremely happy because it would have been fabric that most people toss out…oh no, not me!The end result was this…

and this…

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized